Hi, I'm not doing enough

So my favourite thing to think about is whether I have what it takes to move on. I don't mean to say that i'm stuck in life, but now that i write it.. I look at it and i think: what if, maybe i need a few good friends. maybe i need to stop wasting time which can be broken up into 2 parts: taking naps, and smoking.

I just hate how I feel that i'm not using company time productively, when, especially I'm standing by on standby. no manual labour is being done. I miss.. how.. i miss being in the kitchen, there was always work, and then? clean up, i totally love all that work, i hate.. standing around not working, getting paid not worthing. And I owe the people who gave me this way of thinking, did they not break me?

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So i'm a damn guy who wished he went to university when he was young. not only, with the university I wish i had a genuine healthy interest in my studies. some people made it, I went and smoked marjiuana.

Came out of it and had no other way to live but having my parents could take care of me, and feed me, and get me a car, and all i had to do was play games. so my body got fat, my head got slow, and my life went by and slowly degraded. with almost no contact from any outside people for this time, i was barely able to speak properly, was out of any social loop. had no friends, all i knew was a couple disgusting habits. cigat my long time friend, and how i could still do you even when i could not afford you. I sold all my cd's for, and then found that no person goes through life much if they don't borrow on their knees.

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